My Joy

It has taken me a long time to realize that true joy comes from within
You can’t count on getting your joy from a spouse, a relative or a friend
You have to begin to love the person you see staring back in the mirror
Believing that person is special, deserving not useless or inferior

I can’t count the number of times I have let someone steal my joy
Play me, use me up, and then throw me away like an unwanted toy
Taking away my self confidence and my self esteem
Having me starring as the main character in my own wicked dream

I went to bed one night with a heavy heart and cried myself to sleep
I dreamed of peace, love and joy, my dream was so beautiful and deep
I woke up that next day feeling better than I had in a while
That was the day I stopped counting on others to make me smile

Now I wake up with a smile on my face and joy in my heart every day
I fall down on my knees to thank Him and pray
There is a line from a gospel song that I like to say
My Joy: "The world didn’t give it and the world can’t take it away"

My True Essence

I Don't Know What You Are Used To...

I don’t know what you are used to but I’m sure I ain’t it
I’m a keep it real black woman who is handling her shit
Hustling every day to take care of me and mine
Making it happen thru the good and the bad times

I don’t know what you are used to but let me tell you this
Bring me a bunch of BS and you will quickly be dismissed
I’m out here scrambling to survive each and every day
I don’t have time for the craziness these clowns bring my way

I don’t know what you are used to but please listen to me
I am who I am . . . I will always be
So love or leave me; I don’t care which one you take
No matter what happens, I may bend but I damn sure won’t break

I don’t know what you are used to but I’m sure I ain’t it.

My True Essence

101 Sex Positions - Sex Position Photography - The Sex eZine

101 Sex Positions - Sex Position Photography - The Sex eZine

It Ain’t Easy Being Me

No one has seen the things I’ve seen or has felt the pain I’ve felt
Pain that cut so hard and deep, deeper than any masters’ belt
No one has cried and shed all of the many tears I’ve shed
Tears of grief, sorrow, shame and even tears of dread

No one no matter how strong can walk a mile in my shoes
These shoes carry it all; my good, my bad and my blues
So when you see me walking by just smile and let me be
Because you don’t know my struggles; why it ain’t easy being me

My True Essence

Kelly Price, Marsha Ambrosius, Jill Scott & Ledisi -- Four Women - Black...

What Happened To Us

At the Beginning...

We met
We had an undeniable chemistry
We kissed, danced, sexed
We fell in love
You completed me
You made me whole
You loved me like no other
You touched my soul
You invaded me mind
You took control of thoughts

Then . . .

You hurt me
You lied, cheated, deceived
You broke me
You shattered my heart
You made question why
You made me question me

Now . . .

I am stronger
I am confident
I am loved, appreciated, respected
I am whole again
I am a survivor
Yes I am

somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff by ntozake shange

somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff 
not my poems or a dance i gave up in the street
 but somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff

like a kleptomaniac workin hard & forgettin while stealin
 this is mine/this aint yr stuff/
now why don’t you put me back & let me hang out in my own self

somebody almost walked off wit alla my stuff 
& didn’t care enuf to send a note home sayin 
i was late for my solo conversation
 or two sizes to small for my own tacky skirts

what can anybody do wit somethin of no value on
a open market/ did you getta dime for my things/
hey man/ where are you goin wid alla my stuff/
to ohh & ahh abt/ daddy/ i gotta mainline number 
from my own shit/ now wontcha put me back/ & let
 me play this duet/ wit silver ring in my nose/
honest to god/

somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ 
& i didnt bring anythin but the kick & sway of it 
the perfect ass for my man & none of it is theirs 
this is mine/ ntozake ‘her own things’/ that’s my name
 now give me my stuff/ i see ya hidin my laugh/ & how i
s it wif my legs open sometimes/ to give me 
some sunlight/ & there goes my love my toes my chewed 
up finger nails/ niggah/ wif the curls in yr hair/
mr. louisiana hot link/

i want my stuff back/
my rhytums & my voice/ open my mouth/ & let me talk ya 
outta/ throwin my shit in the sewar/ this is some delicate 
leg & whimsical kiss/ i gotta have to give to my choice/
without you runnin off wit alla my shit/
now you cant have me less i give me away/ & i waz
doin all that/ til ya run off on a good thing/

who is this you left me wit/ some simple bitch 
widda bad attitude/ i wants my things/
i want my arm wit the hot iron scar/ & my leg wit the
 flea bite/ i want my calloused feet & quik language back
in my mouth/ fried plantains/ pineapple pear juice/ 
sun-ra & joseph & jules/ i want my own things/ how i lived them/
& give me my memories/ how i waz when i waz there/
you cant have them or do nothin wit them/

stealin my shit from me/ dont make it yrs/ makes it stolen/
somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i waz standin
 there/ lookin at myself/ the whole time 
& it waznt a spirit took my stuff/ waz a man whose 
ego walked round like Rodan’s shadow/ waz a man faster
n my innocence/

waz a lover/ i made too much 
room for/ almost run off wit alla my stuff/
& i didnt know i’d give it up so quik/ & the one runnin wit it/
don’t know he got it/ & i’m shoutin this is mine/ & he dont 
know he got it/ my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure
 of the year/

did you know somebody almost got away wit me/
me in a plastic bag under their arm/ me 
danglin on a string of personal carelessness/ i’m spattered wit
 mud & city rain/ & no i didnt get a chance to take a douche/
hey man/ this is not your perogative/ i gotta have me in my
 pocket/ to get round like a good woman shd/ & make the poem
in the pot or the chicken in the dance/

what i got to do/
i gotta get my stuff to do it to/
why dont ya find yr own things/ & leave this package 
of me for my destiny/ what ya got to get from me/
i’ll give it to ya/ yeh/ i’ll give it to ya/
round 5:00 in the winter/ when the sky is blue-red/
& Dew City is gettin pressed/ if it’s really my stuff/
ya gotta give it to me/ if ya really want it/ i’m 
the only one/ can handle it

Fire & Rain by Ntozake Shange

one thing i dont need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i dont know what to do wit em
they dont open doors
or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didnt nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry

i am simply tired
of collectin
i didnt know
i was so important toyou’
i’m gonna haveta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet
for alla sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called
to say yr sorry
call somebody
else
i dont use em anymore’
i let sorry/didnt meanta/& how cd i know abt that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what i want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it
letta sorry soothe yr soul/i’m gonna soothe mine

you were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death
talkin bout you sorry
well
i will not call
i’m not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face
& i will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways
i will play oliver lake
loud
& i wont be sorry for none of it

i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerability & close talk
& i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/low-down/triflin/& no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein yrself