Living Like A Turtle

When I’m asked to describe myself, I often refer to myself as a turtle. I say a turtle because I have lived my life as such. Staying inside my protective shell, hidden away from the drama, disappointment, back stabbing, “all about me” society we live in. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. Years ago after being hurt and betrayed by some of the people I trusted most; I balled up and climbed into my shell. I tell you I loved my shell.  It was my way of dealing with the pain of it all or not dealing with it all I should say. It worked well for me though… for a long time, and I was good with that.

I woke up one day feeling so alone. Surrounded by family, but yet, still alone.  It was like I was hidden too deep within myself... like a shell within my shell. It was then that I realized I could no longer live my life like a turtle. Although my shell made me feel protected and safe, I sometimes feel it did more harm than good. It served its purpose of keeping out the bad but it also kept out the good. It kept some of the right people from getting close to me especially some of the key people who should've been close to me.  On that day, I decided I needed to turtle up and poke my head out into the real world.  I started opening up to receiving new friendships and nourishing the ones I had neglected over the years. I vowed to stop living within myself.

I will admit things were going well for a while. I got really comfortable outside my shell. Then damn… it happened.  Lies were told, truths were twisted, confidences were broken, and friendships shattered. All of the horrible things I tried to shelter myself from came crashing down around me. As a result, I hauled my behind back to my shell as fast as I could because it’s safe there. It protects me. It keeps all of the negativity and foolishness out.  I know I can’t live my life in this shell forever but I will stay here until I am comfortable enough to come out again. The difference this time is I promise not to lose myself within my shell. Despite it all, I love life. I love living... even if it’s like a turtle.

My True Essence

Unequally Yoked

I Love You... But I Can't Stand You Sometimes

I love you

But I can’t stand you sometimes
One minute…I want to love you
The next…kill you and just do the time
Loving you is like being on a roller coaster
We go round and round, fast and slow
Some days we’re riding high; other days we’re low
I get mad becuz you don’t always treat me right
I will admit you’re good
But your game ain’t airtight
I can tell you’re used to young girls
The ones you just sex and rock their world
Fill their head with all kinds of bullshit
Served up so good even you believe it
You are a smooth brother
I can’t help but give you that
You even had me hooked
Like an addict on crack
But I shook it off
Got myself back on track
Stopped tripping about you
And started focusing on me and mine
Yeah I love you
But I can’t stand you sometimes....

My True Essence

Fantasy

It’s time to make this fantasy come true
The key players are just the two of us: me and you
I picked the hotel on Paradise Street
It overlooks the lake and is a good place to meet
All I ask is for you to leave your inhibitions at the door
And get serious about what we came here for
Since we don’t have much time, only an hour
I will be waiting for you to join me in the shower...

In the shower is where it all begins
And the place called ecstasy is where it ends
You start by kissing me and sucking on my lips
You slide your hand down my body pass my hips
You don’t stop until it finds my “Treasure Chest”
You stroke it while your other hand fondles my breast
You get down on your knees and lift my leg high in the air
You bury your face into my treasure like you belong there
It feels so good I don’t even care my hair is getting wet
I'm squirming because I am not ready to cum just yet...

My True Essence