Communication
Trust
Intimacy
Yea, they all sound great separately. It is funny how anytime you ask that age old question “what does it take to make a relationship last” those 3 words are normally at the top of the list, uttered by millions alike because well, we all KNOW the answer right. What do they have in common though? I’ll tell you from my own personal experience its “security”, yup, that’s right security.
In a relationship where two totally separately entities must come together for “each other”. It’s a place where there is no “I” in team. We gave up the “Me” for an “US”. A real relationship, the institution that transforms ones focus on “me” into a focus on “you” or “the kids” “or OUR” future. Something has to be said about a man or woman who will subdue his/her desires for the desires of another whom (s)he loves ON PURPOSE, It’s priceless. What I love most about this thing, this concept, and this principle- is that no matter what the relationship- it works………it just works. We all say trust , communication so on and so forth is what keeps relationship fresh but, really its security. Follow me into to my mind for a minute.
Communication on a basketball court is one of the most intangible skills a complete player needs to be more than just a name on a roster. A player who can master the English language in such a way that it manipulates fear into motivation is a player a force to be reckoned with. Leaders have it, followers need to heed to it. A missed assignment, one late step all can be corrected with communication. Has anyone of you ever been on a receiving in of a devastating pick/screen. I have, it’s not joke to be hit from your blind side and will literally knocked the wind out of you in such a way that you’re normally in complete disbelief when you get off the floor. You first thought is never “man that hurt” Your first thought is Man, why didn’t anyone let me know the pick/screen was coming? <———marinate on that ball players
When I worked as an admissions rep for Miller Motte Technical College, our director was huge on team building exercises. I’m sure there was a purpose but, if you know anything about them, you know they sucked and were a waste of time because most adults find a way to complete the task without learning the lessons associated with each exercise. There was always one exercise in particular that EVERYBODY HATED collectively. You know which one I’m talking about too. Go ahead and say it, I’ll wait……………Yup, that was it, the good old trust fall. No one ever wanted to do it because secretly we really didn’t feel “secure” in knowing the person responsible for catching us would actually catch us. It was always about MORE than trust, always but, if it’s about more than trust, what were we missing? <———-marinate on that team builder participators, I’ll be back
Hmph, here we go, you want to know the real reason why you can’t get your s/o to dress up for you? Ladies, you want to know the real reason why your man won’t cry in front of you or express any other emotion beside anger, of course you do. Ignore all the cliché reasons for why you feel the way you feel about it and work with me here. Fellas, she loves you to death or life, she honors you, she respects you so, and why won’t she do the little extra special things that you think will take your intimacy level to the next level? Think on it…. Ladies, look at you thinking you’re all perfect and innocent in this matter hahahahaha phooey on you. The real reason your man has a hard time expressing the FULL scale of emotions that humans are capable of with you is simple. You haven’t proven to him that it’s ok to. It’s not because he doesn’t want to. Were not machines by any stretch of the imagination, I can promise you that. So, if it’s not because the desire isn’t there and it’s not because you do not love him, what is it? <——- marinate on your “real” answer for a minute, I’ll come back for it
Not listed above is a response that should be a given “GOD”- He sustains any relationship and without him you have nothing. It’s like building a house on quicksand. You need him – period. Funny thing though, for those who know him and believe in the power of prayer will stand by his word because they know something that a nonbeliever doesn’t. They usually fail to communicate “that” which they know because honestly it’s not a popular notion. Everyone wants to preach miracles and blessings but not this ONE thing that separates him from all others. A few of my favorite scriptures have solidified my relationship with Jesus Christ that I would like to share with you. I don’t want to convert you or convince you that you should believe in what I believe in but, its humbling knowing that when you focus on the meaning behind the words its gives you peace. Gen 28:15 And, behold, I am with you, and will keep you in all places where you go, and will bring you again into this land; for I will not leave you, until I have done that which I have spoken to you about. Ps 18:2,3 The Lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in Whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from my enemies. Lastly and my personal favorite is Ps 32:7 you are my hiding place; you shall preserve me from trouble; you shall compass me about with songs of deliverance.
^^^^^ you see that ^^^^^^^^ that right there^^^^^ that’s what it’s all about^^^^^^ people IN THE KNOW call that “SECURITY”. That is the difference between everything.
What a beautiful feeling it is to know that “someone” has you. Yes, there is something to be said that when I look in your eyes I know “you, got me”. On the basketball court it’s never about picking yourself off the floor after the pick, it’s the fact that you didn’t have him/her. You watched them walk into harm’s way. I trust you as a co-worker but, for some reason I don’t feel that you “got me” if I fall. If we don’t complete the task will we remain a team or will you be all too eager to point out my mistakes in the matter to get yourself off the hook. How do I know that if I give in to my inhibitions in the bedroom, throw caution to the wind and attempt to explore my true fantasies with you that I won’t be ridiculed or teased. I swear I want to cry in front of you, I want to cry WITH you, but when my eyes are dry will I still be the same man you respected before? Erika once said that “All those factors equal a sense of safety and security with you words shared that express you deepest secrets to the ability to kneel and pray together before bed and when faced with the most difficult of situations”
That’s what it is all about –security; you need to know that when all hell breaks loose in your life someone’s “got you”. When you let down your defenses someone will “take care” of you. The single most underappreciated notion in a relationship is security. You ever felt like a roommate in a house where your husband/wife rested? You ever loved a person you didn’t feel like you could be vulnerable with? Trust or lack thereof is easy to lose and gain back but, it’s the security that you forgot about. I trust you with my life but, I don’t feel safe leaving it for you to guard.
I asked my girlfriend Latasha “why am you so comfortable with me” and the gist of her response was simple, I feel like you “got me”. Well, in all honesty I get that and as simple as that is I understood everything that phrase meant. And yes I do “have you” and I ALWAYS will. Another great thing about security is this “it all will come so naturally like Mother Nature or something that is already ingrained in a person that makes it an autopilot response, reaction, responsibility. Nothing forced.” – I believe that with all my heart
Sometimes, It’s not about picking the most compatible mate, Another friend Sandra once said “CHOOSE YOUR PARTNER CAREFULLY, BECAUSE WHEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE IN LIFE, THAT’S WHO YOU WILL GO TO WAR WITH”,
Do they “got you”? For you sake I hope the answer is yes.
Source: http://weareironmen.wordpress.com/2012/04/10/security/
Security is of utmost importance to me also. Great guest post!
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