Free Spirit

I am a free sprit
Always have been
Free like the blowing wind...
The breeze you feel on your skin

I am meant to float among the clouds
To stand out in the crowds
I dance to the beat of my own drum
I’m the only one who knows the songs I hum
I am like a bird that lives to fly
Like a crack head who loves to get high
Clipping my wings fills me with rage
I’m a free spirit not built to be grounded or caged

My True Essence

You Didn't Break Me

I knew of you because you were a popular boy in school
We took a class together and eventually became cool
Friends who would talk when we saw each other on the yard
Little did I know our friendship would leave me forever scarred

You needed help to pass the class so I agreed to help you

I agreed to help because that’s what friends do
I trusted you so I didn’t have any reason to fear
I thought you were my friend… genuine and sincere

I don’t know what happened to you that horrible night

Your mood changed and I realized something wasn’t right
But by then it was too late for me to react
You grabbed me and began your brutal attack

You turned into a monster I didn’t even recognize

You didn’t listen to my pleas or my cries
Instead you used me for your own sick pleasure
Against my will you took my treasure

I didn’t think I would ever forgive you for what you did to me

But I realized I had to forgive you in order for me to be free
Free from the shame and guilt of thinking I deserved it
That I deserved to be attacked, raped and hit
 
I still remember the pain you caused me to this today
The wound has healed but the scar will never go away
You almost destroyed me and caused my faith to shake
Even though you hurt me, my spirit you didn’t break

My True Essence

Living Like A Turtle

When I’m asked to describe myself, I often refer to myself as a turtle. I say a turtle because I have lived my life as such. Staying inside my protective shell, hidden away from the drama, disappointment, back stabbing, “all about me” society we live in. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. Years ago after being hurt and betrayed by some of the people I trusted most; I balled up and climbed into my shell. I tell you I loved my shell.  It was my way of dealing with the pain of it all or not dealing with it all I should say. It worked well for me though… for a long time, and I was good with that.

I woke up one day feeling so alone. Surrounded by family, but yet, still alone.  It was like I was hidden too deep within myself... like a shell within my shell. It was then that I realized I could no longer live my life like a turtle. Although my shell made me feel protected and safe, I sometimes feel it did more harm than good. It served its purpose of keeping out the bad but it also kept out the good. It kept some of the right people from getting close to me especially some of the key people who should've been close to me.  On that day, I decided I needed to turtle up and poke my head out into the real world.  I started opening up to receiving new friendships and nourishing the ones I had neglected over the years. I vowed to stop living within myself.

I will admit things were going well for a while. I got really comfortable outside my shell. Then damn… it happened.  Lies were told, truths were twisted, confidences were broken, and friendships shattered. All of the horrible things I tried to shelter myself from came crashing down around me. As a result, I hauled my behind back to my shell as fast as I could because it’s safe there. It protects me. It keeps all of the negativity and foolishness out.  I know I can’t live my life in this shell forever but I will stay here until I am comfortable enough to come out again. The difference this time is I promise not to lose myself within my shell. Despite it all, I love life. I love living... even if it’s like a turtle.

My True Essence

I am my own Woman and I love it!!

I am a people’s person so I am always talking to people rather it’s at work, in line at the grocery store, the post office, the doctor’s office or just on the street. Talking to people has made me realize some things… we are different yet the same. We all want to be happy in every area aspect of our lives. We want the best not only for ourselves and our families but for everyone else as well. We are not perfect and we fall short every day. We have faith things will work out according to His will. At the end of the day, we are doing the best we can with what we have.

I also realized a lot of people are struggling with something. You can see a person every day and never know what they are struggling with or what they are going through. The thing is we all have our own personal struggles. Those struggles can be anything: depression, addiction (alcohol, drugs, porn, etc.), divorce, bullying, sibling rivalries, self-love/hate… and the list goes on and on. The way we handle those struggles depends on the person. Some seek counseling and guidance from professionals, Pastors or trusted friends. Others try to work on them on their own. Some successfully. Others not so successfully. I have been there!

I wish I had a magic wand that could make everyone’s struggle their strength. Turn everyone’s mess into a message. I wouldn’t make everyone’s struggle disappear because our struggles are what test our faith. Our faith can move mountains!! Our struggles make us who we are. They help build our character.

 

My wish for everyone struggling with something…. Have Faith! Seek help! Don’t let your struggle define or destroy you. Turn your test into a testimony and don’t be afraid to share your experiences. Your testimony may not be able to help everyone but if it helps one person, it’s worth it!

Much love

My True Essence

This describes me perfectly!!

Sexually Free

Wonder how it feels…

To be sexually free

Free to love as you chose

Free to love who you chose

Free to love how you chose

Without judgment

Wonder how it feels…

To love with no limits

Open to express yourself

Open to explore others

Open to experience it all

Without judgment

Wonder how it feels…

To be sensual and uninhibited

Able to feel the hardness of him

Able to touch the softness of her

Able to enjoy the pleasure of them both

Without judgment

Wonder how it feels…

To be sexually free

To love with no limits

To be experimental and open-minded

Without judgment

My True Essence

Random Thoughts (No particular order)

1.       I hope President Obama gets re-elected. If Mitt Romney wins, God helps us all.

2.       I hope everyone gets out and vote. Every vote is needed.

3.       How can women really support Romney after knowing his views on women’s rights among other things like he is an idiot that flip flops on everything?

4.       I am more of a loner than I initially thought. I like it though.

5.       I am going to be a grandma. No excited yet. I guess it will come later.

6.       Young adults kids will make you want to cuss.

7.       I need to interact with people more. Pick up the phone and call sometimes instead of text.

8.       Some of my Facebook friends need to just sit down somewhere.

9.       I really need to start going to Church more often. I miss it.

10.   I really need to start writing more. Writing clears my mind. Relaxes me.

11.   Is it time to consider a career move?

12.   I don’t have a best friend that I tell everything. I wonder if that makes me different.

13.   What in the world we were doing before FB and blogging?

14.   Even though I only have a small circle of close friends, they are awesome.

15.   Sometimes I wonder if I am too honest and upfront.

16.   Some people are so full of stuff.

17.   Every day is not a good day but I am thankful my good days outweigh my bad days.

18.   It’s time to start loving what I see in the mirror. This has gone on way too long.

19.   I need to get back on my workout routine. Not just physically but mentally. The physical part is actually the easiest part.

20.   When I leave this earth, I wonder if I will truly be missed.

21.   Some many people are suffering with serious illnesses. It makes me feel bad to complain about the little things I do.

22.   My family is amazing. They really are.

23.   Trouble don’t last always. Thank you Jesus!

24.   I wish I could go back in time and correct/change some things.

25.   Over all, life is good and I am thankful and blessed.

My True Essence

My New Mission: Loving Me Again

Somehow, someway, I fell into this dark hole. I did one of the most horrible things a person can do … I stopped loving me. I don't know how I got here but I do know this:  it's time to pick myself up, dust myself off and move pass this. Mission: Loving ME Again is in full effect....

My True Essence

Random Thoughts

1.  Young adult kids are the absolute worst!! They think they are grown and know everything. You can’t tell them anything. They know NOTHING!

2.  I have been in a writing/life funk for a while now. It’s time to get out of it and get it together.

3.  My best friend is getting married in two months. I am so excited for her.

4.  I am going to travel and really enjoy my summer.

5.  My mom is the greatest. She is in her 60's and looks amazing.

6.  Everyone has a story. I wonder what people would think if they knew mine.

7.  Things really aren’t always as they seem.

8.  I have been dealing with some health issues. I will found out soon what’s causing them. I am scared to death something major is wrong. (This probably explains my writing/life funk)

9.  I love my family but sometimes I want to get in my car and just keep driving.

10.   I have met some very interesting people lately.

11.  I need to start meditating and going to church like I used to. I can tell that I am not. (Just  a hot mess)

12.  Still loving our President.  Still praying for him.

13.  This is a crazy world with crazy people. God helps us!

14.  I wish Lifetime would get some new movies.

15.  I think I am a Facebook addict.

16.  Despite having two very close friends, I am still a loner and don’t really have an inner circle.

17.  People can be so messy.

18.   I often wonder if you can really, honestly trust anybody.

My True Essence

Random Things on My Mind (in no particular order)

1. I used to love this time of year but that began to change over the last several years. Just too much work and bonding for me.
2. I love my kids but I want everyone 18 and over ... OUT!!
3. My daughter, who is away at school, calls me every single day. Before she left for school, I could not get her to say two words to me. Go figure.
4. I often wonder why people are so fake and full of shit. Just irks the hell out of me.
5. We didn’t come out and vote … now we are doomed.
6. Poor Obama! It’s not looking good for 2012. I still think you are awesome though.
7. Be careful what you pray for. You just may get it and be disappointed when you do.
8. I really need to get motivated and start working out again. I have been in a slump for too long now.
9. I don’t really have a best friend that I tell everything too. Don’t know if I want one though either.
10. I really need some friends to hang out with.
11. A lot of my single friends want to be married. A lot of the married friends want to be single. I don’t know if one is better than the other.
12. Sometimes I just want to get in my car and just drive far away.
13. Watching the news is so depressing. People don’t care about themselves so how can we expect them to care about anyone else.
14. I love my job but sometimes my co-workers get on my last nerve.
15. I seem to get along a lot better with men than women.
16. Black women hate on each other so bad. It’s pathetic.
17. Went to the club about a month ago. I am way over the club scene. Same ole thing. Nothing has changed.
18. I sort of like being in my 40’s. It’s not the end of the world like I thought it would be.
19. I want to start a small group for women. Something like “Women with a Purpose” group. Where we meet and talk about all issues, read books, etc. I hope to make this happen in 2011.
20. I plan to make 2011 a great year.

Simply Just Me

Several weeks ago, a friend of mine was going through something that really hurt them. They reached out to me and we talked about it. Really, they talked and I pretty much listened. I didn't judge them, try to give them advice or anything. I just listened and tried to be supportive. I tried to be a friend. After a while, they asked me "why are you being so nice to me"? I gave them my answer and tried the best way I knew how to explain "Me" to them.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have thought about that question several times as well as my response to their question. All I can say is that I am just simply Me. I am nothing fancy. I am so far from perfect. I screw up, repeatedly. I do dumb things. I make bad decisions. I am very outspoken (which is definitely not always a good thing). I wear my feelings on my sleeve. I am not where I want to be (so far from it) but I thank God that I am not where I used to be. Thank you Lord! I am and will always be work in progress.

One thing that I told my friend, which is also one of the things that I am most proud of, is that I am one of the most sincere and genuine people you will ever meet. I honestly care about people and their wellbeing. When I say "I wish you the best" or "I am happy for you" or "I am proud of you", I mean that from the bottom of my heart. When I see you doing well in your chosen profession or see growth in your personal development, I am genuinely happy for you. When I say "you are looking good" or "you go girl", I mean that. There is no jealously, just true admiration. My goal is to inspire and build up. Never to tear down. If I can make a good, positive difference in someones life, it's all worth it.

There are things about me that many people don't know, not even my family and closest friends. I have done things I am not proud of. I have had awful things done to me that I haven't been able to speak of. I have my good days and my bad days but i won't complain. I have survived. I am so thankful for my many blessings. Thankful for my loved ones and my friends. I pray for you all way more than I pray for myself. If you don't know anything about me, please know that I genuinely care. I am nothing special. I am simply just Me.

My True Essence

Random Thoughts (in no particular order)

My mind is always so busy (probably way too busy I’m sure) all the time; thinking, analyzing, researching, meditating, etc. Every once and a while I have to release the random thoughts in my head so here goes . . .

• All of my married friends wish they were single and my single friends wish they were married. That can’t be good.
• What is going on with some of our youth today??? Are these kids really our leaders of tomorrow?
• Summertime is coming and I really need to get motivated about working out again. Ugh! Why couldn’t I be skinny!!
• My president has a serious swagger on him. Go Obama!!
• I need to find some girlfriends to hang out with.
• I need to go through my cell phone and delete some folks.
• My daughter will be graduating from high school soon. Wow!!
• Wonder if I will ever get the chance to meet Dwight Howard.
• No matter how bad I think things are for me, there is someone who has it worst.
• Do all men always have ulterior motives?
• Racism still exist. No doubt about it.
• Kids will drive you crazy if you let them.
• Prayer is so powerful. It does change things.
• I smile a lot to hide the pain. I wonder if I am the only one that does that?
• If I could go back in time, I would really do some things differently.
• I have the greatest mom ever. Her birthday is coming up soon. Need to get her something really nice.
• Is Wendy Williams really a woman??? I think so but I am really not sure.

My Introduction

Who Am I? Physically, I would like to think it is my bright eyes, my dimpled smile and my magnetic personality that stands out in a crowd. LOL!! Seriously, I pray it is my inner spirit, my open heart and my character that defines who I am.


My Philosophy on Life: Be a person of true character. Character is not measured by what you do in the light for the world to see but by what you do in the dark when there is no one there to see.


My Passion in Life: I know we all have one but I haven't quite figured out what mine is yet. I am working on it though . . .


Life Lessons I Have Learned: (in random order)
Treat others like you want to be treated.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Be true to yourself.
Life is too short to be unhappy.
The small things mean so much.
Don't expect something from someone that you yourself don't possess.
Love is a funny thing.
Be the change you want to see.
Yes we can!
Stuff Happens!!


One of My Favorite Quotes:

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?"

Who am I not to be? I am child of God!


What I Want People to Say When I Leave this Earth?: "They are glad to have known me".


Stay tuned. More to come.


Peace and Blessings.

My True Essence